We're Moving Again
Dear Alyice,
My family is in the process of moving out of state. I’m afraid this is going to have a negative impact on my children. We move every five years because of my husband’s job. While I understand, I’m worried about my children. I don’t want them looking back on their childhood with regrets.
Moving Again
Dear Moving Again,
I Recommend Your purchase supports this site. |
I understand your concerns. I, myself, have moved four times in six years, and we’re actually moving a fifth time this year. Moving for a job is hard on the family, but it doesn’t have to be detrimental. One way my husband and I help our children adjust to each move is by keeping them in the loop from the moment we realize we’re going to be moving.
We all sit around the computer and look up things to do in the area, we visit tourist information websites and order brochures, we check out housing in the area and if they have apartment rentals online, we check them out too. If the area we’re moving to is within a weekend’s driving distance, we take a mini-vacation and give the children a chance to see what the new area is going to look like…in other words, we build up their anticipation of this being a fun adventure and let them know that they’re input as to which place we rent and what we do in the area counts.
While our children have no choice in the moves they make or the loss of treasured friends, they need to know that their feelings count and that they have some control over their lives. Allowing them to window shop for a new place to live, even if it’s in a city outside the city daddy works, is very healing and helpful in easing the transition of moving to yet, another state.
Another thing we find helpful is allowing them to decorate their rooms, even if that means buying new bedding when the old bedding is still good, or painting (or staining) their bedroom furniture, or buying stick on wall designs (not wallpaper since we’re renting that is usually a big no-no), or helping them find a new hobby to take up.
My son is now fourteen years old and entering high school, we made an agreement with him that we will not move again (at least until he graduates high school) so that he can stay in one place, in one school, and have the best high school experience possible. That has really helped him accept and transition into what I hope to be our very last move. The other day, my son came up to me and said, “If anyone asks where we’ve lived, I’m going to tell them that I vacationed a year in Tennessee and seven months in Pennsylvania.” As far as Wisconsin goes, that was a real home to him, not a vacation. And New York doesn’t count since things didn’t work out and we were only there for two weeks.
As for my ten year old daughter? Well, she has developed a natural love of maps, traveling, and adventure. Just a week ago, she informed me that moving hasn’t been so bad because she’s got to see a lot of neat places in person and it’s just a few more spots she gets to mark off her itinerary when she grows up.
An adventure…isn’t that what moving really is? A new place to live, a new town, new people, new things to do, new places to explore, a new life waiting in the wings…
Teach your children to enjoy the adventure and they’ll never look back with regrets. And you know what, even if they do look back with regrets, if you know in your heart that you did all you can to make it the best experience possible, than they’ll eventually come around and realize that too.
This column was written in 2005. My son has now graduated from high school and attends college 6 hours away. The moves may have just prepared him for the transition as it has been smooth and carefree.
